I had thought that I was not attached to my hair. I thought that I would be okay with losing hair. After all I am over 60, not so bothered about my appearance. It was easy for me to refuse the offer of a wig by the oncologist.
But now that I am beginning to lose hair, the reality is vastly different. Losing the hair is tugging at my emotions. I find myself grieving. Grieving for what used to be, what I am being called to let go of, what I am losing.
The logical, rational, more upbeat part of me knows that this too shall pass. However honouring my emotions, what I am feeling seems very important. So I am being with the emotions that are surfacing, welcoming them with the knowing that emotions are connected to the life force.
Health, as I used to know and have, is changing. But I have the power of prana, ki, life force.
I am finding the poetry of Kabir, a mystic poet from 15th century India, very inspiring and supportive at this time. Today I feel drawn to this verse:
“कबीर खड़ा बाज़ार में, लिये लउ कांठी हाथ। जो घर फूंके आपना, चले हमारे साथ॥”
“Kabir khada bazar mein, liye lau kathi haath, jo ghar phoonke apna, chale hamare saath.”
It roughly translates to: “Kabir stands in the marketplace, holding a lit wood torch in his hand. Whoever is ready to burn down their own house, may come with us.” This isn’t necessarily about literal destruction—it’s about radical inner transformation. The “house” symbolizes ego, attachments, and worldly illusions. To walk Kabir’s path, one must be willing to let go of comforts, identities, and certainties.
Kabir, through this verse, seems to be helping me realise that I am being called to let go of attachments, illusions and be willing to step into the unknown.
Today I am able to connect this verse with the story of Mikao Usui carrying a firelit torch in his hand in broad daylight when visiting different villages on his quest to take Reiki to different parts of Japan.
I am not an artist but I feel drawn to playing with water colours. It helps me feel accompanied by the creative power of the Universe. I am not trying to create a painting, I am simply welcoming what is showing up in the present moment. Today I closed my eyes to choose colours. And my hand went to black and yellow. Black represents the unknown to me, having the willingness to step into the unknown aspect of life. I now realise that black/grey is also the colour of ash, the residue left after burning! Yellow seems to represent light and also fire. I know that I would have never chosen these two colours knowingly, with my eyes open!
I love such synchronicities and the meaning that can sometimes emerge through the willingness to be with the process, with acceptance and being present as best as is possible.